Not So Great Expectations

 So it would seem like, at least for the near future,  I will be posting daily.   I have a few topics that I've been thinking about and the only problem is actually figuring out when to talk about them.

I chose this one today because of what happened that made me think about it.

I learned a long time ago not to set high expectations.  Yes, I did learn this the hard way.  I was constantly being disappointed by everything; friends, school, and life in general.


Recently I was made to feel like I was incredibly crazy for not expecting much from anything.

You set the bar low so that you're never disappointed, and when things go good it's a pleasant surprise.


The reason I do this with people is simple.  Everyone, or at least the vast majority, of people I know have in some way hurt me  or let me down.

In High School I had a hard time with people, most (all) didn't understand me and I didn't really know who I was.  I was being bullied, I was being harassed, I was being flat out ignored.  All by people who at one point or another were trusted friends.  So I have a hard time trusting people.  I've been told that it seems like I make friends easily, when really I just make acquaintances.  We're friendly and I have no problem talking to them or hanging out on campus but really, how well do they know me?  I don't let them know me, because I know that when they do they'll decide they don't want to be my friend and I'll get hurt.  Only one person hasn't run away and I am grateful everyday for her.  My family doesn't count, because they're forced to be around me.

About life in general.   I never expect good things to happen to me.  The best and most recent example is Irene Ryan nominations.  Basically, if you get nominated you get to go to the American College Theater Festival (ACTF) for free and compete.   I was told by several people I would be nominated, and I would have loved to have been, but I knew I wouldn't.  I know that the three people who were nominated would be nominated.  They're all amazing and deserved it, I can't even compare to them.  I let myself hope a little bit but every time I let myself think it could happen I would remind myself that it wasn't going to.  When it didn't, I wasn't disappointed.  I mean god I want to go to ACTF so badly, it's a great opportunity to learn from taking workshops and network by meeting people from all over the region, but like I said I didn't get my hopes up (and hey there is always next year).


Sure, when you think about it, it's depressing to live life this way but when you're already depressed it's better than constantly having your hopes crushed.  I'm used to being let down, doesn't meant I like it but I am  used to it.

Now here is a picture I took of a lemur, because this was a long and pretty depressing post.