Frightfully Excited

So today I've had to keep reminding myself that I am writing this blog for me.

To help ME find out who I am.  To help ME be able to sort through things.   I'm not writing it for you, whoever you are.

The reason I have to keep reminding myself that is because I realized that I know some of you, in real life.  I don't know who exactly you are, or if you are actually reading these, but I know that some of you are people I consider friends.

And that scares me.

It scares me because I'm talking about things that usually never leave my thoughts.  I'm poring my heart (or mind rather) out, and obviously that's scary.  I'm terrified that you're going to judge me for it.  That you know I'm strange, but now you're seeing that it goes farther than that.   You're seeing that I have a twisted view on everything, myself especially.  You're seeing what I see, that I probably belong locked up.

Okay so that might be a slight over exaggeration but still, its sort of how I feel.  

It's also exciting, because I'm continuing this.  I'm not letting that stop me.   I am forcing myself to push past the fear and insecurity that keeps me from getting close to people.  Sure it might only be on the internet, but hey one step at a time right?

I can't decided if I want to know if you read this or not.  I guess, if you do read this and know me in person and you want to talk about something I write you can ask me or just let me know. 

Or not. 

Whatever works. 

If you choose not to tell me its fine, I'll continue writing as if you are all complete strangers.  If you do tell me, I hope I'll still be able to write as if you were a complete stranger.