Its funny how certain topics that I've been wanting to talk about come up during the day. This one popped up because, well it's Black Friday and my mother and I went shopping.
Recently I've realized that I suffer from a slight case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
See, the thing is that I know I'm small. I'm 5'3 123lb. I'm tiny. I understand this. But I don't feel it, most of the time.
I think it goes back to 5th and 6th grade. I was one of the first girls I knew to develop. I had boobs and hips before basically everyone else. I was so used to being this stick thin person and then suddenly to not be while all my friends still were was hard. I started wearing big shirts to hide in. I felt so much bigger than I was. Even in High School I was still surrounded by girls who I thought were smaller than I was. I didn't buy a jacket or hoodie that actually fit me until Freshman year in college.
I refused to wear shorts because once a girl had made a comment about how big my thighs were.
I wasn't until end of Freshman year in college that I really started to appreciate my body so to have it changing on me again is sending me for a loop.
Now, I love my body. I do. But that doesn't mean I don't feel weird about it sometimes.
Now I have weighed the same for the last like 6 years, but I am actually smaller than I have ever been and it's because I'm more active than I have ever been. I know that I'm not in trouble because I weigh the same, but the fact that I look so much smaller and I'm seeing it is crazy.
This still surprises me when I go shopping because I FEEL bigger than I am so when I see myself in the mirror I think I look anorexic. Which scares me, even though I know I eat.
I don't know, I guess this is just about how even though I love my body I don't feel comfortable with it, or that at least I have a distorted view on how I look.
These posts are becoming less and less eloquent.
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