Last night I poured my heart and mind out more than I ever have before.
I still don't know the outcome. I don't know if you read it or if you're reading this.
Since then I've been going through all of the emotions. Relief for getting it out there, regret for posting it, worry for what you're thinking, contentment for not having it weighing on me as heavily. Sadness for thinking that you did read it and are choosing not to respond.
I spent today in a panicky mood because I think you read it and I'm afraid of what your reaction might be.
I also spent today thinking of more things I should have put in that letter. Or things I wish I had said differently.
I have decided though that knowing is better than not knowing. If I know what you think about I can deal with everything better because I have a place to start from.
I realize I'm still being a coward but, I'd rather make a fool of myself here then text you and you not have a clue as to what I mean so...
Please.
This will be the last time I mention this. I'll be back to my regular crazy posts. I apologize for those who have read these two posts.
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