Changes

Sometimes I forget how quickly things can change in one's life.

My life is currently in a state of flux.  Changing jobs, changing relationships, changing perspectives on the world and myself.

With everything seeming so up in the air right now I'm finding it hard to focus on anything which is causing problems in a lot of aspects.  But I'm also forcing myself to buckle down and get shit done that needs to be done.  I'm taking more charge of my life, I'm being more vocal about how I feel and what I want, and I'm trying new things.

I've also come to discover that, while I know how to be single and while I can an enjoy being single., my recently ended relationship taught me a lot about myself I didn't really know (or at least acknowledge) before.  One, I don't like waking up alone and I apparently sleep better if I'm not alone.  Two (as pointed out by one of my closest friends) I put my whole heart into things, especially relationships with people.  This doesn't mean that I love everybody right away.  It just means that I will make sure you know how important you are to me, and I will do whatever I can to make you happy.  Three: I need someone who will do the same for me.  I need someone who lets me know I'm important and how they feel about me and that they want me to be happy.    Finally I also realized (or accepted) that I need to focus on a lot of other things first, and that as much as I would love the perks relationships have to offer, if I am going to go anywhere with my acting career I need to put that first and fight for it.  I'm okay with that.

I'm also coming to terms with a lot of things I've been struggling with for many years.  Since I'm still trying to figure them out I'm not going to really talk about some of them here, not yet.  Others, like the fact that I am a strong, independent, stubborn women who is tired of taking people's shit, is something that is going to be seen more often.

All in all I think I've made a huge step in "growing up" whatever the fuck that means.   I'm finally beginning to accept that change happens, and that I can fight it if I want and sometimes I need to, or I can help it, and push it.