Hanging out

I don't often make plans with people.

There are a few reasons.

One, because they almost always fall through.

Two, because no matter who the person is, no matter how 'close' we are.  I will always feel like they're hanging out with me out of pity.

Three, because if the plans don't fall through because of the other person, I come up with an excuse to cancel because I just am so uncomfortable around other people, all people, no matter who you are.


I'm in a constant state of feeling like people only hang out with me or pretend to like me because they feel obligated to, or because they feel bad for me.
This is part of the whole paranoia thing.

I cancel plans because I don't want to go through a few hours of being around people who I feel don't actually want to be around me.

I know, it's stupid, but  that doesn't mean I stop thinking that way.

The whole plans falling through thing doesn't really hep matters either.  Even if I'm given a perfectly good reason, I feel like they canceled because they don't want to hang out with me, which is 100% possible let's be real.

So like.  If I'm actually trying to make plans to hang out with someone, it's kind of significant. Like, it means I genuinely feel like we're friends.

Idk this has been a post about things.