Lonely

I know I'm not supposed to say this.

I don't understand why its such a bad thing to say that you're lonely.

If its true then its true.

I am lonely.

Sure I have friends to hang out with, and people to talk with.

I'm fine during the day.

Its just that...at night when I'm actually alone.  I crave companionship.

I've been single for a long time.  I've dated sure but I haven't been in a relationship, not a real one.

Believe it or not though, I don't usually have a problem with being single.   I know some people who can not be single, they don't know how.  They go from relationship to relationship and its never "me" for them, always "we".

But lately, I don't know I guess I'm just tired of it.  So many of my friends are in happy relationships and I'm always the third wheel....or in some cases the 5th.

I just want someone to just be there for me, beyond friendship.  I want someone to curl up with at night,  to just kind of grin at.  Someone who texts me good morning or good night and thats it.    Someone who I can just sit in the room with and not have to be doing something together.  Just to be around.

I want to know what being loved feels like (other then by family) and I want to know if I can feel love for someone else.

But then again who am I kidding.  I wouldn't even know how to be in a relationship.

I'm just lonely.